craving more.

I am caught it the middle of depth and fluff (yes, fluff). My heart is living two distinctive places. The first is a yearning desire for depth, depth of thought, depth of passion. I want to be transformed by Christ; I want to be overwhelmed with Him. I want to find a place were my passions can be used, where I can be challenged and stretched. I desire a place where I can think big but also act. I desire people to travel to those depths with me, not just to talk but also to make change. I feel stir crazy and frustrated with such an intangible and impossible to explain feeling. I often feel like I’m going to explode with passion, joy, frustration, excitement, love, life, but never know how to let it out, so often implode. Or go back to where I spend the other half of life, in the fluff.

Living in the fluff of life. In the puddle-jumping, twirling, costume wearing parts of life. I love my friends. I love hanging out, eating soupy brownies, laughing, wasting time, making memories, dressing up as burritos, eating terrible home-cooked meals, losing our voices screaming to scary movies, dance parties and just living life. I love spending time on the surface of life. Tasting the sweetness of the familiar and enjoying friendships four years in the making. I love exploring and resting in place that feels more and more like home. I love late nights and long runs, where I can make of a healthy body that will function on no sleep. Savoring the last drops of freedom before real life.

So, where does life leave me at the end of the day? Stir crazy, but never wanting a day to end. I feel frustrated and unsatisfied, yet joyful and content. Most of all, it leaves me craving more... more depth, more fluff, more laughter, more Christ, more challenge, more fun, more life.

scratching an itch

I spend most days looking at molecular structures, internal body systems and the brain. I can certainly say we are quite spectacular beings. Yet my long science filled days often leave me with a creative itch while life is constantly leaving me with perplexing thoughts and challenges. So I'm back in the blogging world, scratching an itch and sharing life with everyone or no one.

one last hoorah...and back home

I’ve spent the last ten nights sleeping in my down jacket, long underwear, fleece pants and wool hat. Winter is in full force in New Zealand. It is freezing! My last final exam finished up on June 30^th, then a few friends and I decided to take on the cold and spend my last ten days claiming my final memories. We named ourselves “Team Encore” and began our adventure with a three day backpack through Arthurs Pass, a set of mountains about two hours west. From the second through the fourth, we climbed through two spectacular saddles, surrounded by snowcapped peaks, trudged through forests and waded icy streams. On the morning of the fourth there was no barbecue, beer and watermelon, instead we awoke in a slightly frigid hut in the middle of the mountains. I sang “happy birthday” to America before eating our oatmeal and hitting the trail. In an attempt of patriotism, we tried to sing American songs as we headed down the trail, but realized we some issues…you know when you’re little, and you don’t know the words to a song, so you fill it in with words that most likely make no sense but fit the tune, and then sometime when your older and someone points out the real words-its quite embarrassing? Well, this was the problem we all faced. “O, Beautiful, for gracious sight in amber waves of grace…” I began to sing, and realized that no matter how hard I tried, my first-grade, half-humm, half-sing-a-long version of the songs were all I had put to memory. Needless to say, our patriotic trail sining was short lived. Thickly buried between layers was our patriotic colors where a little red lied in a t-shit, blue strip on underwear and white logo on our jacket, an attempt almost as pathetic as the singing.

By dinner we gave up hope, eating Indian food, followed by a Jazz Bar (with live music) and a beer after a long glorious day in the mountains. It was no traditional forth, but diffinentally unforgettable.

Our Encore trip headed south, where we climbed Mt. Fox through rain forest, using roots and rotted trees to pull and hoist ourselves straight up the mountain (switchbacks are in no way a part of New Zealand trail blazing). We ended up on top Mt. Fox, overlooking Fox glacier, Mt. Cook, the Tasman Sea and surrounding area, one of the most spectacular lunch spots in my lifetime.

The view from lunch a few days later closely rivaled that on top Mt. Fox. Skiing in Wanaka at a resort called Treble Cone, we experience an epic day in my ski history. All above tree line, the mountain had previously received over a foot of fresh, light powder. Although most was chopped up, we were able to hike up and get some fresh tracks and spectacular views. From the top, the dozens of peak of mt. Aspiring national park stood glowing under the blue-bird sky, while Lake Wanaka and surrounding mountains lay on the other. It was unbelievable.

Since it was New Zealand’s “winter holiday” we were unable to find a place to stay in the ski town, Wanaka, so decided (at seven-thirty) to make the five and a half hour trip back to Christchurch. Although we had called Christchurch our home for the past five months, we all had to have checked out of our rooms before our trip, so were homeless. We ended up sleeping in the living room and on the floors in my old flat, seeing how new students had already moved and were fully living in each of our rooms! It was weird to be in my flat, yet have it no longer feel like home. I was diffinentally getting the hint, my time in New Zealand was ending. The next day, doing last minute souvenir shopping, the hints only became louder as the new students left for the orientation program, the cloudless days turned to drizzle and there was no one left in Christchurch that I could ask to take me to the airport. It was time.

I’m home now, sweating, it was ninety-five when I was picked up from the airport last night! None of my flights were on time, causing panic sprints between terminals, in order to keep my nalgine water bottle I was forced to chug half-a liter of water outside security before barely making it to final boarding call. It was a hilarious panic-chugging image. Anyways, I was greeting my entire family with hugs and a handmade sign. Home to a delicious barbecue and fresh Oregon berry pie that was enjoyed on the deck as I watched the long summer day finally end, exposing the northern constellations. No more southern cross, but I’ve got the big dipper back! It feels good to be home and knowing that New Zealand is a place that pictures can never do justice, only means I'll have to go back someday!

will you hold your finger here so i can tie a nice neat bow?

Almost five months have unraveled, leaving only ten paper chain links until home. The month of June has been filled with “lasts” and “goodbyes” to both relationships and adventures. Since the 18^th of June, friends have gradually been packing their overly warn t-shirts, kiwi branded souvenirs and broken-in boots, while trying to unpack their last five months spent in NZ. As I am not leaving for ten more days, I have been walking with dozens of friends through the leaving process and have been reflecting on patterns I’ve seen within each goodbye. We all want goodbyes to be extravagant, the final peak to an ever-building adventure. We want one final night, one final adventure, one final word that will tie a shiny satin ribbon around an experience we have been building over the past months. But goodbyes are not neat and tidy. Instead they are haggard and discombobulated. Filled with emotions, flowing in unrhythmic and unstoppable waves; nervous, excited, scared, anxious, tears, laughter, deep sorrow, heart-felt appreciation, riveting joy, cutting regret, invited anticipation. Each person embodies a different feeling at different time, leading to mismatched hugs of clashing sentiment. Endings are often just as awkward as beginnings, the initial introductions- thick emotions that won’t fit in the space between an initial handshake. Yet it isn’t the goodbye that matters, the ribbon will be untied and it is the present we get to keep, the laughter, the memories, the adventure. Those things that can’t be polished and won’t be tainted through “an amazing last night” or the “perfect goodbye.” So I’ll continue to walk through the next ten days trying to stop my ribbon-tying tendencies, knowing that I have had an indescribable experience that can’t be touched. Knowing that with the end of one adventure, a new one begins. Maybe it won’t have the glorious title, but sometimes the joys hidden in the pockets of ordinary days are the sweetest.

summer sledding

So, winter has come. Nights drop below freezing as flakes dust the surrounding peaks (literally dust, with enough snow to make anxious ski-legs ache, but not enough to save skies from deeply etched battle wounds given by rocks without mercy). Regardless of the inches, we were determined to find and fully enjoy a New Zealand winter in June… Off to Mt. John we traveled, to the beautiful Lake Tekipo, where there were no sleds, skies or other snow toys to rent. We had touched the snow and were not giving up, so we improvised, each with a mission to find a “sled.” Both the sheet of metal and the plastic sign worked like a dream, sending us ripping down the most beautiful sled hill in the world. There is something about playing in the snow that makes me feel like I'm cheating…its cold yet I'm out loving life, and in late June the same winter thrill exists! It was wonderful.

My sledding adventure was followed up by a ski trip! I drove up to Mt. Hutt, which basically driving ¾ up a mountain, where a ski field exists above the tree line, fully exposed to all the wind and all the weather New Zealand can deliver. Apparently, it hadn’t delivered much snow lately, but the views from the top of the peak far outweighed the freshest and deepest of powder (maybe?). From the peaks tip I could see all the southern alps on one side and the Canterbury plans (extremely flat farmland), the ocean and up and down a few hours drive along the island. It was unbelievable. Seeing the ocean from the ski hill is something I never knew was possible. New Zealand never ceases to amaze me.

six butts, one seat...

so, I have been living in New Zealand, Flat 16, for almost five months and decided i should introduce you the other five students who i share a flat, kitchen, tv, toilet and many cultural flat dinners... I decided to let them introduce themselves...

Hello America,

I am Nikolas from the beautiful Black Forest in Germany. You might not know where that is, because our VIPs are not Ali G., who is often compared with me, or Austin “Danger” Powers, whose Mojo I poses, but even more sophisticated personalities like the nameless inventor of the Black Forest Cake. So I hope you understand that coming to New Zealand was a cultural shock for me. Nevertheless I started to enjoy the company of sweet little sheep and wooly Annika. I will miss them.

Come to Germany, it’s “nice” - noooot!

Hello world,

I am Pubudu, a flat mate of Annika’s. I am originally from Sri Lanka though I have lived in Europe before coming to New Zealand. I have been in NZ for about 9 years and I’m the most “kiwi” flatter here. I study physics because I’m pretty much too lazy to do anything else. When I’m not dealing with symmetries and unitary matrices I play this crazy game called cricket, which I’m not going to even attempt to explain. Wikipedia knows all. Not much else to say or do, until 2009, when a friend and I will be driving from somewhere in Thailand to Calais, hope to see you all along the way.

This is Jake from Texas. I normally go to a military college in Virginia so coming to New Zealand for the semester was a nice breather. After these last few exams I will be Junior. I was the young one in the flat at 19. I love the relaxed atmosphere here in NZ. Its common for kiwis to go to the store or other public places barefoot. Kiwis are still in love with the mullet. The outdoor activities here are amazing. I’ve experienced some sailing, diving, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, caving, absailing and enjoyed every thrilling moment.

Hi everyone, my name is Neil. I come from a country which can be reached by just dig a deep hole through the core of the Earth from USA. I have been living in New Zealand for five years and this is the last year for my degree. Everyone who comes here would love the great scenery of “Middle-Earth” and the relax life styles. Lastly, Welcome you all to the 2008 Olympic Games.

(more from Nikolas about Colleen…)

Colleen, our beloved flat mother.

When I first arrived in the flat it was dark and grey, but then I met Neil. And it was still dark and grey. But after changing my traveling clothes (30h flight) and taking a shower, Annika and Colleen surprised me in the hallway and my life started to make sense again. Because this article is not about Annika, I stop writing about her. Colleen, born in the middle of nowhere in the beautiful state of Washington is a feminist science student, enjoying her time in New Zealand. I gonna miss her because she established a working community, supporting it with her fabulous cookies, brownies and cakes. I will also miss her Peanut

Cookies.

To all my flatmate, it has been an amazing semester and always a comforting place to come home to. I will miss you all!

LIVE: "His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama"

"Dalai Lama is a Mongolian title meaning 'ocean of wisdom'. Tibetans believe that the Dalai Lama is an enlightened being, who has chosen rebirth as a way to be of benefit to all living beings."

The Dalai Lama was dressed in traditional wear, and began his speech by making a joke about how he was hoping the rain would cancel the speech, so he could have a holiday, using his friendly, light-hearted personality to capture the audience. Hundreds of people stood, umbrellas overhead, took in the words of “His Holiness the 14^th Dalai Lama.” His main focus of the first speech was about peace. (note: the recap is my interpretation of what he said, from memory and a few soggy notes)

He discussed how the idea of war was outdated. How our world was too connected, each person being someone’s neighbor, people all over the world are the same and war was no longer necessary or productive means to end a conflict. Instead he emphasized the importance of dialogue, forgiveness and compassion. That these skills and values should be taught by families in the home and also within the schools setting. People need to learn to use dialogue to appropriately express feelings and come to resolutions. He also discussed the idea of taking a step back from situations in order to give it perspective, when focused in to close, anything will look big, but with a step back, the problem will shrink. To do this will require us to open our minds, to see problems from other perspectives and approach them with compassion.

He talked about how in we need to weary of negative emotions. When our negative emotions combine with human intelligence and new technology, our emotions can be amplified and causes can be extremely deadly.

I loved the way that the Dalai Lama approached other people. He has obvious very strong faith beliefs and value system, but never did he seem use his faith as the introduction to conversation with people. Instead he would talk to people about human emotion, the mind and other universal concepts. Engaging in dialogue with various people about universal concepts brought genuine interest by both parties and allowed each person to learn from the other and provided a foundation for further depth of conversation.

(a caption from a press release on the event) ‘Caring for others and demonstrating compassion ar the best means of achieving happiness for oneself’, he said, continuing that this was a belief Buddhism shared with Christianity, all other theistic traditions, and even atheism.

Most of what the Dalai Lama discussed was a reminder of what we have all learned over the years. The most impact part for me was to be standing among the thousands of people who were seeking change. The Dalai Lama said the usual “each individual can make a difference” and those common words had a new meaning when I looked around and saw thousands of people who were seeking to make a difference as well. It showed how much can change when people come together, that it isn’t just my individual contribution, but thousands and thousands want to integrate more compassion into their life, to see more unity and peace around the world.

"Every human being is a member of humanity and the human family, regardless of differences in religion, culture, colour and creed. "

"I am serving our cause with the motivation of service to humankind, not for reasons of power, not out of hatred. Not just as a Tibetan, but as a human being my mission is the propagation of true kindness, genuine kindness and compassion".