craving more.

I am caught it the middle of depth and fluff (yes, fluff). My heart is living two distinctive places. The first is a yearning desire for depth, depth of thought, depth of passion. I want to be transformed by Christ; I want to be overwhelmed with Him. I want to find a place were my passions can be used, where I can be challenged and stretched. I desire a place where I can think big but also act. I desire people to travel to those depths with me, not just to talk but also to make change. I feel stir crazy and frustrated with such an intangible and impossible to explain feeling. I often feel like I’m going to explode with passion, joy, frustration, excitement, love, life, but never know how to let it out, so often implode. Or go back to where I spend the other half of life, in the fluff.

Living in the fluff of life. In the puddle-jumping, twirling, costume wearing parts of life. I love my friends. I love hanging out, eating soupy brownies, laughing, wasting time, making memories, dressing up as burritos, eating terrible home-cooked meals, losing our voices screaming to scary movies, dance parties and just living life. I love spending time on the surface of life. Tasting the sweetness of the familiar and enjoying friendships four years in the making. I love exploring and resting in place that feels more and more like home. I love late nights and long runs, where I can make of a healthy body that will function on no sleep. Savoring the last drops of freedom before real life.

So, where does life leave me at the end of the day? Stir crazy, but never wanting a day to end. I feel frustrated and unsatisfied, yet joyful and content. Most of all, it leaves me craving more... more depth, more fluff, more laughter, more Christ, more challenge, more fun, more life.