I listened, but forgot to hear...

Forgive me God, for I have forgotten. I spent five months of slowed down life in New Zealand, creating space for You to speak and spoke You did. I heard the same message over and over, slow down. Annika, slow down. New Zealand taught me the peace and wisdom that can come from creating space. The Lord will crawl into the spaces, brining joy and life. When space was created, the Lord would affirm that I was enough. No accomplishments or schedule needed. I was to strip off expectations, all of them, those put on by society, those given by peer, family pressures, and worst of all our own expectations. I was to rest in idea that the Lord loves me where I am. I am loved and worthy of celebration. Re-reading my blog from NZ, over and over again I heard the Lord speaking, stripping life down to simplicity and rebuilding what was truly important. Looking at my life now one would think I had fully forgotten. Five months of teaching, listening and experiences, what has changed? Life is chaotic, overly committed, overly excited, overly ambitious, and I will soon become overly exhausted. I leave no spaces. I neither read or pray or rest enough, expecting the Lord will give me grace because of my busy schedule. Grace, I need to give myself grace. Grace to know that I won’t live up to expectations, not my own, not my professors, not my peers, nor societies, so I can stop trying. Grace to remember what I spent five months learning and grace while I attempt to apply all I learned.